Thursday, January 14, 2010

14 year old nostalgia

I went to a private catholic high school. Half way through my sophomore year I had enough and hit the high road to Orange County High School of the Arts. When I was in private school my mind viewed things much differently and I was much more a wall flower lacking the joie de vivre that I had come to know and love when I was around my 'art' friends. I found some sort of sanctuary in my solitude because I was able to explore music, art and myself. I would read plays and listen to classical music and give myself fake interviews in front of my bathroom mirror. I would put on my party dresses and I would pretend to sing Puccini to an adoring crowd all the while knowing there was a strong interest in something else that I felt I had yet to discover. I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. The first day I discovered music.

The definition of music to me is much different to what your definition may be. For starters music had always consisted of cellos, piano, choirs, and sopranos. I thought that was the recipe for music and so I never looked elsewhere for an alternative. That was until the 8th grade. It was my last year in the private school that I had attended for the past 11 years. Pre-School -8th grade, who does that? Everyone I knew I could count on my fingers. My friendship circle consisted of a very small minority of children that were not only completely sheltered but also lacked a music repertoire beyond the radio stations their parents listened to while driving them to and from school. I remember paying off one of the girls in grade 7 to buy me music magazines because I was too embarrassed to ask my parents to buy me one when we were in the grocery store. She would bring me the magazines in a manila envelope and leave it on my desk prior to the beginning of class. This began my love for industrial music, that inevitable 'goth' girl in your art class, and all the other cliche roles I could possibly play during my high school/college career.

I must admit I don't think that my taste of music is superior to anyone else, but I must say that for me anyone sharing the same taste of music as me will always be looked at more fondly in my eyes regardless of any circumstances. I remember the first time I heard Tori Amos. I was 12 and it was during her release of 'Under the Pink' I listened to 'Baker, Baker' on repeat and cried. I begged my father to take me to a breakfast with Tori Amos that was hosted by radio Djs kevin and bean and I will never let him forget how thankful I am for him always supporting me and my crazy requests. I don't know too many fathers that would drive their teenage daughters at 6am to a radio show just for a peek at their favorite musician. I met Tori Amos that day and from then on my life was changed. The autographs added up, my walls were covered with concert memorabilia an homage to Tori, Trent, Courtney, Billy. In short I thought I was awesome.

Nothing can replicate that teenage feeling of listening to music in your room, door closed, candles/incense lit and thinking that no one understands you apart from from your favorite artists, and when you meet them everything just makes sense. I spent a lot of my youth alone, in a room, waiting for my life to begin. I never realized that it already had, that those moments would end up being some of the best memories of my life and the events that would make me who I am today.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

I'm 9 years older than you so when I was in Jr high school at about age 13 that's when my obsession with British Indie rock kicked into high gear. I to would sit in my room alone listening to The Cure's album "Kiss me, Kiss me, Kiss me" in cassette form that is, hahaha, lol. I loved just about every 80's British Indie band. When I was 13 I wanted to go see Depeche Mode in concert at Dodger Stadium so badly, a group of friends I met over the summer at the Lakewood pool I would go swimming at where all going to go and of course my mom said NO. But, KROQ was broadcasting live from the concert so I got to hear some of the songs they played. I closed my eyes and pretended I was there. I cried a lot that night too. I love to reminisce about my teen years. Music has always played a big role in my life as well. It pretty much is what get's me through a lot of painful situations. I use to play the Cello in Jr. High School and classify classical music as one of my favorite musical genre's right after British Indie Rock. My favorite composers of all time are Beethoven and Chopin. Whenever I am stressed out or having a lot of anxiety I just pop in my Chopin CD and everything seems to be OK again. I have a cute story about when I was 4 years old that I love telling people, this is NO joke. I had this little transitor radio that my dad gave me and one day during the summer after I had gotten wet on my slip and slide I laid out my pink towel and tuned my little radio to the classical station, something that I loved listening to as a kid and now. I fell alseep on my towel in the front yard and my mom came out and took a picture of me. That is one of my most fondest memories. I have always loved classical music. My mom's side of the family is really musically inclined so I think I get my musical inclination from my mom and grandma. I wish i never quit playing the Cello. That is something that I truly regret. Sorry for going on and on but I was inspired by your blog to write this. I love reading your blog's L.S. They are the best. Take care. You and David are in my daily prayers for guidance.

Love ya,
Melissa =)

Melissa said...

Hi Lauren,

I was just wondering if you went to Mater Dei near Foutain Valley for your grades pre-school-8th grade? Natalie now wants to attend that school. Are you and David keeping dry in all this rain? R u two still living in F.V or did u move to L.B? Did u see the tornado yesterday? Stay safe and dry okay. Take care.

Love ya,
Melissa =)

Polly Helen said...

i can thank my parents for the same thing. for my 19th birthday my mom and i flew out to to Florida for the first night of the Choirgirl Hotel tour that happened to be on my birthday.

p.s. yeah those were the days...when KROQ played Tori...