Tuesday, August 31, 2010
will it ever come?
the family, the house, the real job? this recession is putting my life on hold and i am supposed to watch shows like the real housewives of beverly hills in my 700 square foot apartment and feel good about myself?
Monday, August 16, 2010
and we're booked!
Wedding is set! Venue is booked and we are ready to let the real planning begin. First deposit down and $3678293748292 dollars later, I will be Mrs. Williams, yeowwww.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Brain Spillage.
As I continue on with my Masters Degree, it becomes less about myself and more about my future family. The ideas that drive me to do well in this program are thinking about the future children I want to have and the opportunities I want to provide for them. Davey and I are on the same page with this and it is so nice to share my life with a man that believes in me and also drives himself to be successful and educated. There was a substantial void in the majority of my past relationships because the majority of the men I was with were dumb as rocks or did not respect the foundation of a solid education. I know with David, I have a man that will correct my grammar or atrocious spelling and not ever get to the point of being threatened by each other. I am definitely growing up this year, BIG TIME.
All I think about most of the time is family. There is little left in life that brings me such joy as spending time with my parents. Davey and I spend so much time with them it is truly as if they live down the street even though they now live 55 miles away. I have lost touch with the majority of my family apart from my parents. Every time I make an effort with my sister I get responses like 'We'll see' or 'I am just too busy' so often that at this point I have decided to give up trying. It really is too bad because I really love my sister and I feel that I could be a huge stress reliever in her life if she ever gave me the chance. It's funny to think that I have never once babysat my nephew. Not once, and he is five years old. Our friends trust us with their children, but somehow my own family doesn't. It is so beyond hurtful I have also given up on trying to convince my sister that I am a capable babysitter. This is all just the tip of the iceberg really. I often feel so upset and hurt by it all I can't even say anything, I just hold it all in and let it become toxic.
Sometimes I think when my parents die, I will feel like I have no family apart from Davey. I feel that this fear is a huge reason why I want to have a large family myself. I have never been very good about being alone. In my youth I would say I loved being alone because I thought it was the cool thing to say, but truly I hate it and I try very hard to spend as little time alone as possible. In my entire life I have spent only one night alone. It was horrible, and I remember the night like it was yesterday. Keeping all of the lights on and staying awake through the night. I would doze off and then immediately wake myself up for fear of not being alert if an intruder was going to come in. Once it was 4:45 am or around that time there was just enough light out for me to go upstairs and get in my bed with the dogs. I put the tv on and Fresh Prince of Bel Air was on tv land. I felt comforted by that and I was able to sleep until noon with no problem. I must have some kind of arrested development or peter pan syndrome. Nostalgia leaks out of me so often it is hard to remind myself of the present most of the time.
All I think about most of the time is family. There is little left in life that brings me such joy as spending time with my parents. Davey and I spend so much time with them it is truly as if they live down the street even though they now live 55 miles away. I have lost touch with the majority of my family apart from my parents. Every time I make an effort with my sister I get responses like 'We'll see' or 'I am just too busy' so often that at this point I have decided to give up trying. It really is too bad because I really love my sister and I feel that I could be a huge stress reliever in her life if she ever gave me the chance. It's funny to think that I have never once babysat my nephew. Not once, and he is five years old. Our friends trust us with their children, but somehow my own family doesn't. It is so beyond hurtful I have also given up on trying to convince my sister that I am a capable babysitter. This is all just the tip of the iceberg really. I often feel so upset and hurt by it all I can't even say anything, I just hold it all in and let it become toxic.
Sometimes I think when my parents die, I will feel like I have no family apart from Davey. I feel that this fear is a huge reason why I want to have a large family myself. I have never been very good about being alone. In my youth I would say I loved being alone because I thought it was the cool thing to say, but truly I hate it and I try very hard to spend as little time alone as possible. In my entire life I have spent only one night alone. It was horrible, and I remember the night like it was yesterday. Keeping all of the lights on and staying awake through the night. I would doze off and then immediately wake myself up for fear of not being alert if an intruder was going to come in. Once it was 4:45 am or around that time there was just enough light out for me to go upstairs and get in my bed with the dogs. I put the tv on and Fresh Prince of Bel Air was on tv land. I felt comforted by that and I was able to sleep until noon with no problem. I must have some kind of arrested development or peter pan syndrome. Nostalgia leaks out of me so often it is hard to remind myself of the present most of the time.
Friday, August 6, 2010
possible wedding dates
So at this point we have ventured through the calendar to find a date that worked for David's orthodox fasting days as well as not disrupting close friends or family members birthdays/anniversaries/holidays/sporting events and bad weather history. We have come up with a few dates but I am feeling like July 24th will be the date in the end. We found some amazing save the dates that I think are absolutely adorable and totally our personalities and I can't wait to book the reception and church so that we may order the save the dates. David and I have been engaged for 2 years so it is absolutely bizarre to here people telling us congratulations when we are looking at venues. We had an excellent day of venue searching this week and David and I fell in love with the Darlington House. The Park Hyatt was beautiful but I am unsure as to whether or not it is more of a venue for my parents than David and I. It is hard to say because my taste varies substantially and I fall in love easily with a lot of places.
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