i wish this would be your colour

documenting life

I keep this blog for no other reason than for myself, so why do I write in a way that is cautious? I am over it. Maybe I need to start a new blog, but honestly I am over the pretense. If I feel fat as hell and want to talk about how gross I feel about myself I should just spill it. I spent too much of my life worried about people and their perception of me. Ultimately, no matter how hard I try or how nice I am too most people, I always am looked at like a cold hearted bitch. So there you have it.

I go back to read some of my previous entries and honestly, I am flat out embarrassed of 90% of my writing. I worry too much about lame stuff and not enough stress on the truly magnificent things in life. Tomorrow I am going back to the gym because I have gained too much weight and my ass and face are huge. Too comfortable with life and it got the best of me. I hate the way I look in photos where my back is turned to the camera. I look like a refrigerator and I need to get a grip on the sitch before it gets too late.