14 year old nostalgia

I went to a private catholic high school. Half way through my sophomore year I had enough and hit the high road to Orange County High School of the Arts. When I was in private school my mind viewed things much differently and I was much more a wall flower lacking the joie de vivre that I had come to know and love when I was around my 'art' friends. I found some sort of sanctuary in my solitude because I was able to explore music, art and myself. I would read plays and listen to classical music and give myself fake interviews in front of my bathroom mirror. I would put on my party dresses and I would pretend to sing Puccini to an adoring crowd all the while knowing there was a strong interest in something else that I felt I had yet to discover. I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. The first day I discovered music.

The definition of music to me is much different to what your definition may be. For starters music had always consisted of cellos, piano, choirs, and sopranos. I thought that was the recipe for music and so I never looked elsewhere for an alternative. That was until the 8th grade. It was my last year in the private school that I had attended for the past 11 years. Pre-School -8th grade, who does that? Everyone I knew I could count on my fingers. My friendship circle consisted of a very small minority of children that were not only completely sheltered but also lacked a music repertoire beyond the radio stations their parents listened to while driving them to and from school. I remember paying off one of the girls in grade 7 to buy me music magazines because I was too embarrassed to ask my parents to buy me one when we were in the grocery store. She would bring me the magazines in a manila envelope and leave it on my desk prior to the beginning of class. This began my love for industrial music, that inevitable 'goth' girl in your art class, and all the other cliche roles I could possibly play during my high school/college career.

I must admit I don't think that my taste of music is superior to anyone else, but I must say that for me anyone sharing the same taste of music as me will always be looked at more fondly in my eyes regardless of any circumstances. I remember the first time I heard Tori Amos. I was 12 and it was during her release of 'Under the Pink' I listened to 'Baker, Baker' on repeat and cried. I begged my father to take me to a breakfast with Tori Amos that was hosted by radio Djs kevin and bean and I will never let him forget how thankful I am for him always supporting me and my crazy requests. I don't know too many fathers that would drive their teenage daughters at 6am to a radio show just for a peek at their favorite musician. I met Tori Amos that day and from then on my life was changed. The autographs added up, my walls were covered with concert memorabilia an homage to Tori, Trent, Courtney, Billy. In short I thought I was awesome.

Nothing can replicate that teenage feeling of listening to music in your room, door closed, candles/incense lit and thinking that no one understands you apart from from your favorite artists, and when you meet them everything just makes sense. I spent a lot of my youth alone, in a room, waiting for my life to begin. I never realized that it already had, that those moments would end up being some of the best memories of my life and the events that would make me who I am today.