evolution

somehow out of all the countless things in my life that change so frequently and so quickly the one think that I can rely on is being sick.  yes thats right i am sick again. that's me bed side watching house hunters and condo scoping on the internet. it has been a few weeks since I have began saving up and I am not doing too badly right now. I have saved up a decent amount and it seems like so much of what my folks said about money when I was young was so undoubtedly true.   While I have been sick I have had plenty of time to think about my life and its direction and ultimately the path that I would like to take.  It seems rather strange that at this point in my life I really spend a lot of time missing people.  My Nana Jimmie being a major person whose absence affects me, I think about her everyday and dream about the day that we will rejoin again outside of this place.  The second person being someone that I don't think feels quite happy with me after several years of back and forth friendship.  It's weird that I miss her like family considering I haven't seen her in three years. I know that my heart will always hold Kelly dear to me regardless of distance or circumstance.  Through this realization that I actually miss people that are not just dead, I am trying to make myself more accepting and less judgemental.  I know i'm a real bitch sometimes and people don't like me right away, but that's not how it has to be.  I will pay for my mistakes but I will also work very hard to make myself open to everyone so that not everyone can just discard me as a bitch or as a snob.  with that said i have a few people in my life that for one reason or another have stuck around me and remained my friend or they are stuck with me as a family member.  i am very blessed to have them and very appreciative that i have the best memories of my life with them.