internet shopping is my saviour

here are a few highlights of this weeks shopping adventures.

not that i necessarily need any of this, the fact of the matter is i just really enjoy looking at these little treasures...

i am looking forward to the little packages that will be coming to my door within the coming week.

hatred

it's an ugly thing, but hell i have a lot of it. i think the problem with it is that it eventually turns into anger and hatred towards those that really are quite nice to me or even people that truly love me.  i suppose that it is necessary for people to imitate, copy, replace, revise etc.... but is it entirely necessary for it to be something that is an on going theme in my life? 

take countless people and place them in a room. some good maybe some even amazing. suppose then there will be a couple of absolute reject losers that of course will gravitate towards me and insist on becoming like me or perhaps some kind of warped version of me.  i am sick of the imitators. 

next step i think it's a bit of a cliche at this point in my life to say the following:

"I think I will just move out of here, everything sucks, orange county is shit."

"I am just really not understood, my creative energy is just soooo through the roof right now I really don't want to bombard myself with boundaries and negative vibes"

"I suppose I will just take countless amounts of photos of myself to remind me what it is like to have the attention back on me."

dead inside

lately my boyfriend of over two years always reminds me after we get in a fight that i am simply dead inside.  i would probably take much offense to that statement if i didn't agree with him wholeheartedly.

you see, i have and always will be someone with a flare for the dramatic. it's in my blood and i am way passed the stage of trying to conceal it for the benefit of having more people like me. I am who I am-get with it or get over it....lately it seems however that the drama has taken more of a backseat and my depression has come down full force and taken over me.  i suppose i should get on something. perhaps zoloft. i honestly feel so empty inside i don't even think zoloft could have any negative side effects on me.

and just to clear the air, i don't think my life sucks, i don't hate my family and friends. i am just simply more depressed than usual and I don't think it's fair to behave this way in front of my loved ones especially if I don't even like it myself!