another birthday around the corner.

Well, today is the last day in September which means that my birthday is coming up. My two best friends from college all have birthdays close to one another. Royale goes first with her September 28th festivities followed by Christina on October 3rd and my birthday on October 24th. Initially, this year seamed rather non-productive to say the least but as I thought more about my life and where it is headed I suppose this year was an excellent transition year. I completed the majority of my masters degree and teaching credential, I put law school aside to focus on education, Davey and I planned the majority of our wedding, and I let go of a lot of my past that had placed a burden in my life. This is my last birthday as Lauren Stanley and I am having a bit of a struggle with that. I don't know how most women do it. How can we be expected to go through our whole life with one name and then trade it in for something else. I know we don't have to do it, but it is expected if you plan to have children. Most people and women especially want to have the same last name as their children. I just prefer my last name because it is all I have ever known. In addition, I love love LOVE first names as last names. True Stanley sounds like an old man's name and the very thought of it brings memories of the landlord from Three's Company but it is my last name as well and one that I honestly love.

Throughout my life I have been called Stanley by my friends. In fact I think I identify more with my last name than my first. The only people that call me Lauren would be my dad and David (sometimes). In fact I have all sorts of crazy names come to think of it. My mom calls me geowah pronounced (gew), David calls me Booj or Boojie pronounced (boo-jh), Shab calls me Billy, and the majority of my friends call me Lo or Lolo. Lolo has been a nickname of mine for the longest dating back to highschool. In fact it was given to me after being obsessed with the Dr. Dre album Chronic 2001. In the album there is a song called Still Dre and in the song there is a lyric sung by Snoop Dogg that says "Still hitting them corners on the low-low's girl." My friend Holly decided between our lunch break and fifth period that she would start calling me Lolo and so it was. The addition of the St. Lolo came in during my obsession with the film Party Monster and more importantly the character James St. James played by Seth Green. In 2003 I was in college and I thought I was in my prime. It was obvious to anyone that I was a huge dramatic bitch and I thought I was really something to say the least. Whenever I would get in a real diva mood or get really bitchy (don't these two go hand in hand?), I would be told by Royale and Christina that I was in Lolo St. Lolo mode. This name became infectious during the rise of Myspace and I was going out all of the time in la and people actually thought my last name was St. Lolo! Surprisingly it was that name that got me a lot of things in my life from years 2003-2006 and it made me a very small fish in the la club scene.

After meeting David in January 2006, my life took a huge change of direction. Davey never called me Lo or Lolo because that is all my previous boyfriend had ever called me. That pretty much ended the use of Lo or Lolo on a daily basis for me because I spent every minute of my life with David. A lot changed very quickly, I stopped going out every night of the week, we bought our first cat Beardsley aka Beards together and we moved in together shortly after meeting each other. We traveled a lot. London, France, Wales everything was in our access and we were very lucky to experience all of that traveling at such a young age and early stage in our relationship. David admittedly doesn't like calling me Lauren so he created the nickname Booj as a solution to his problem with my name. I liked the nickname right away and it stuck immediately. What I don't like right away however is changing my last name. I feel that it will be hard to let go of and will be a transformation of who I am. I suppose in the end however it is just another change to the many alterations my life has witnessed and at the end of the day no one really cares but me. Here's to one more year of Stanley.

dreams

I have always had intense dreams since I was a child. I have terrible nightmares three-four times a week where I literally am so shaken up by them I try my hardest not to go back to sleep for fear of continuing the dreams. Most of the time I will pull the sheets over my head and curl my head under the side of David's back so that I feel like I am hiding. I have read dream books etc.. and a lot of makes sense but there is a lot of darkness that I dream about that I have no idea where it comes from. The past few days I have been able to sleep through the night without any nightmares and it has been such a sigh of relief. I want to be able to let go on all my fears and move on.

parent inspiration

My parents have been married for 38 years this year and it is without a doubt the biggest encouragement for me as I plan the wedding for next year. Looking through old photographs and seeing the smiles on my parents faces truly makes an impact on the substantial amount of love I feel for marriage and sharing your life with someone. I want to find a way to incorporate their photos in with photos of David and I for the wedding but I haven't been able to come up with something that isn't overtly cheesy and/or completely appearing to be a death dedication to parents that have passed but are certainly very much alive and attending the wedding!

what's a wedding without a church?

I never thought I would get married in a church, that is until I met David. We found the perfect setting to our orthodox wedding and it will be absolutely marvelous to have such a beautiful place play a lead role in our special day. I present to you:

oh dear

i never thought it would be possible to love wedding dresses so much, I don't think I could ever get sick of looking at these just for the simple pleasure of whimsy.