goodbye summer

As I watch each day grow closer to Fall, I am thankful that I was able to get through this daunting summer. It was easily the worst of the lot and without a doubt a daily internal struggle. The strength and courage of my mind knows no bounds, but my heart is infantile and naive. The numb feeling you get when you realize the world you dreamt of as a child is as cotton candy and peter pan and its staring players are the monsters that you feared.

the most consuming depression of them all. the days go by like weeks and i am sitting here with my feet on the ground ready to run. we have no where to turn to in times like these, we wait and we wilt. i can't seem to wrap my mind around the feet in the sky and the twirl in your cheek when you smile. i smile too. it is sharp and it is forced, but it's there and it's mine. doors shut more often than they open and the eternal optimist hands me a flag to pass go.

our wedding.

Wedding Preview: David and Lauren from The Cana Family on Vimeo.

time keeps on slippin'

Where have the past 2 months gone? In just 2 more weeks from today I will be married to my best friend and we will be on our way to starting the best time of our lives. I can't wait to be Mrs. Williams. In the past week I have accomplished so much I really am pleased with how everything has turned out. I had a beautiful bridal shower that was complete with me making a total ass out of myself, drinking sangria out of mason jars and eating rainbow meringue cookies!

Here is my amazing Dad setting up my bridal shower for me by hanging these adorable, rainbow origami hearts:





Some of the beautiful, highlighted images from my shower:



The plates are from my friend Kate who runs an event planning site Sugarbaker and Toad



My notes caddy filled with super-fun pencils from anthropologie in a mason jar and vintage Lauren photos!



My parent's dreamy back yard played the perfect back drop to my shower.

We had three large apothecary jars with spigots for our guests to indulge on sangria, margaritas and iced tea!


the candy bar complete with penguin classics!



In addition to all the delicious treats, my sister created some fun games to keep everyone entertained!


My friends Royale and Sam helped me create these roseballs by hand and they were really a great detail to our centerpieces.


Some of the most touching and heartfelt notes I have ever read were placed on this clothesline:


I was spoiled!



Royale and my mom, both played a huge role in making the day go smoothly:

















Everyone looked so beautiful that day. I really couldn't have asked for a better day. I can't wait to have even more fun on the big day and see all of my ideas come to life. So blessed, really everyone should get married to experience such an overwhelming amount of love and support. Bachelorette party coming up this weekend so the festivities continue!

countdown

it is a strange feeling to receive the invitiation to your own bridal shower!

never again.

i will never dye my hair black again nor bleach my hair ever again.

London Bound

David and I are leaving for London today for his sister's wedding. All I can think about is how much I will miss my family and my cats. It's strange that I am not as excited about leaving as I typically am. Unfortunately, the older I get the more I turn into a recluse. At least this time around I have my iphone with me for constant hours of entertainment. Currently, I have Let England Shake on repeat for hours and I am oddly looking forward to listening to it during take off. I am also looking forward to purchasing my diorshow mascara duty free, an odd tradition I created when I first began to travel a lot during college. There will be plenty of beautiful things to look at and to discover while I am out there but I just wish I could bottle up my family and cats and take them with me!

dance me to the end of love

FTW

celebration

So, I was taking a look at my degree progress report today and I was shocked to see that my Masters degree will be complete in July. While this news was exciting, I paid more attention to my nails where I attempted but sort-of failed this look:

goodbye blonde

channeling kelly bundy

Our monthly photobooth shoot has me fearful of my hair abandonment. I know the ombre look was trendy for 2010 but this is on dangerous white trash territory.

January Wedding Post

So ever since the start of the new year, I am anxiously planning more details of the wedding. Even though I have 7 more months of planning, I feel like time will zoom past me in a flash and I have a fear of everything not coming together properly.

Wedding Checklist (Completed Items)

1. Wedding Dress
2. Photographer
3. Videographer
4. Venue (Ceremony)
5. Venue (Reception)

To Do List (To be finished by February 1, 2011)

1. Book florist
2. Caterer
3. Band/DJ
4. Cake
5. Tent/Twinkle lights
6. Linens/Cutlery/Stemware
7. Staff.
8. Order Invitations

Between all the hub-bub of planning a wedding, Davey and I are attempting to plan a trip either to Santa Barbara or San Francisco. We are incredibly due for a vacation and we both have been working very hard over the past few months.

Over the Christmas/New Year Holiday we spent some time in San Diego to visit my parents. It is always nice to take a drive down South to visit such a beautiful coastal town. We also spent a lot of time with friends from all over and it was nice to see some friends that I haven't seen in months! We took some photos on my new Rebel camera that Davey bought me for my birthday. Even though I love taking photos I am not the greatest photographer but somehow the Rebel makes me look more like a pro!


My Parents dog, Snowchubbs or Chubbs for short always loves having his photo taken!



What a ham he is.














We spent a lot of time at Disneyland this year since we both enjoy the way it is decorated and the overwhelming amount of 'Christmas Vibe' that we love!


Davey took the Toy Story ride very seriously that day!



Our last day at Disneyland for 2010! Passes definitely paid for themselves this year

wedding dress shopping

Sunday will be my first day to go wedding shopping and I am dreading it more than I am looking forward to the results. First of all, I am in limbo with my hair so I feel very unsure of myself in general let alone sure of making decisions of what I want to wear when I get married. I also don't like the fact that David won't be there with me when I try on my dress because I shop with him more than I do my best girlfriends and he has wonderful taste in clothing. It seems weird to be making a big decision without him because I have had him with me on each one the past five years.

On a different note, I know I want to dye my hair back to dark. I feel so foolish ruining my hair by stripping it out and turning my hair into a scraggly pony tail filled with hay. I suppose you live and learn...I just wish my hair didn't have to be the sacrifice. I am thinking about beginning a new blog that will transition me from this blog into my family blog. I plan on having children very soon after the wedding and I want to keep everything documented so that it will always be accessible to look at.

I am embarrassed of 90% of the things I have written on this blog and I think I will ultimately want to walk away from it all together because I feel like a child when I re-read through some of the entries. Life is silly, and it is time for me grow up and drop petty ideas and focus on the things that really make me happy.

I passed all three subtests of the CSET and the written exam so I am free to student teach as soon as possible. I can't wait to have a real job doing something I love. I can't even fathom how amazing it will be to engage in an activity that doesn't require customer service or helping people with makeup.

i wish this would be your colour

documenting life

I keep this blog for no other reason than for myself, so why do I write in a way that is cautious? I am over it. Maybe I need to start a new blog, but honestly I am over the pretense. If I feel fat as hell and want to talk about how gross I feel about myself I should just spill it. I spent too much of my life worried about people and their perception of me. Ultimately, no matter how hard I try or how nice I am too most people, I always am looked at like a cold hearted bitch. So there you have it.

I go back to read some of my previous entries and honestly, I am flat out embarrassed of 90% of my writing. I worry too much about lame stuff and not enough stress on the truly magnificent things in life. Tomorrow I am going back to the gym because I have gained too much weight and my ass and face are huge. Too comfortable with life and it got the best of me. I hate the way I look in photos where my back is turned to the camera. I look like a refrigerator and I need to get a grip on the sitch before it gets too late.

virgin suicides

Today, while I was looking through photos of black hair brides and blonde hair brides I couldn't come to terms with my new found blondeness. In fact, I truly miss my dark locks and have a problem holding back my oohs and aahs whenever I see a gorgeous brunette walk past. Davey thinks I have something wrong with me and my indecisiveness has him convinced that I am a true nut case. With that said, I tried to remember what I loved about being a blonde, after all I had been a blonde the first 21 years of my life, it had only been the past 6 years that I had embraced my dark roots. I remembered Sophia Coppola's movie The Virgin Suicides and the strength in numbers the sisters had with their fair hair. I remember watching the film and feeling a kinship with the girls because of our similar tresses and was pretty sure that blondes were superior. This opinion very rarely changed, and it wasn't until 2-3 years into having my hair black that I realized hair color means nothing and that I felt just as beautiful with black hair as I did blonde.

Fast forward to October 2010, loads of 30 volume bleach on my hair, 6 inches of length cut off, and a look that threw me back into newport beach, I felt underwhelmed and emotionally nostalgic for my dark hair. While I was looking at the mirror after the initial blow dry, Nick Cave's 'Black Hair' played in my mind and I thought about all of memories with dark hair and suddenly I began to regret this decision of mine. So here we are week 2 of this mess, and I still can't come to grip with this hair decision. I think about The Virgin Suicides, about Chloe Sevigny and Marianne Faithful, wearing my boots in su-su-sugartown and I really don't know if I am a lifelong member of this elusive club anymore. Pictures of Priscilla Presley in the white wedding gown are all I can think of, and Hey Jupiter is playing in the background... so is it the shower or the bath?

to love is to lose and to lose is to die.

just let it go.

every now and then it seems ok to dive into my life since you don't really know who I am, only that we share a common person. i don't think it is me so much me that you are interested in but rather facing the guilt you must have, or maybe the hatred you feel for me. maybe it was that you were never enough.

looking forward to singing this song.

Well we're movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up,
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.


another dose of bad news today, I did not pass the cset. I am sick and tired of feeling this low. I have been out of a job for almost a year and it doesn't look like anything will change anytime soon. No one gives a rats that I am more than half way through my masters degree, no one gives a damn that I worked full time and finished off my last half of college working 40+hours a week and it seems to me that the more stupid, uneducated and under qualified a person is the more likely they are to find a job these days.

It's hard to stay positive at these times when I am a natural pessimist and I literally live on the pennies thrown to me from unemployment. I don't think I could get a job at mcdonalds if i tried and as sad as it is, my unemployment checks pay me more than a 40 hour work week would at any type of place like that.